yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
