The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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