I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
