Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
