My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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