You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i need some magic done to my vagina
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
