I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
