if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
