i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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