what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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