yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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