You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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