oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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