I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
