This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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