I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
