At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
