i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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