Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
