Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Sorry my hands just texted you
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
