atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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