and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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