Taylor Swift is so right about you.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
