Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
