my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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