im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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