I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
