Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
