Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
