That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
