dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
