You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
