They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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