is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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