Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
