Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
