ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
