I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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