If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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