Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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