HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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