im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
