pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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