How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
