You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
