Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
