dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
