Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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