god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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