Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
