Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
