OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
