whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
