What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
