I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
