Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
