i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
